There are very few things that can describe what it feels like to become a mother. By become a mother, I mean for the very first time. For some women, they experience that feeling of becoming a mother the instant they find out they are expecting. For others it’s the moment they realize those funny gas bubbles they’ve had aren’t gas bubbles at all, rather, they are the tiny movements of the being they are growing inside their bodies. For some women – by choice or necesitiy – it is the instant they decide to adopt.
For me, it was none of those moments. Quite honestly, when I found out I was pregnant for the very first time, I was excited and nervous, but more than anything I was very resentful and angry. I was ashamed to feel that way, so I didn’t tell many people, either, including my husband. You see, I had dropped out of college and gotten married and that decision I don’t regret to this day – I was not ready to be a college student yet. However, after getting married, we decided that I would start back to college the next fall, and I was really looking forward to finishing my education.
Then the rug was pulled out from under me – I was due in December. No school for me.
I remained resentful toward that circumstance and toward the baby throughout my pregnancy – especially in September when I would have returned to school. I am comfortable talking about this now because of two reasons, I have come to terms with the fact that it was okay for me to feel that way, and the minute I became a mother none of those feelings mattered any more.
The moment I became a mother was 4:47 p.m., December 7, 1994. The instant I held that baby, she stole my heart forever, and I haven’t been able to get it back since (not that I want it back). She was perfect; rosy-cheeked, blue-eyed, 6 pounds 12 ounces, and beautiful. I really can’t describe the feelings that flooded over me at that moment any other way than by saying it was euphoric.
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.
~ Rajneesh
So, here is that girl. The One Who Stole My Heart Forever.
She is an amazing young lady. She is beautiful, athletic, graceful, stubborn, caring, funny, and smart. She is a huge help to me at home. We laugh, we fight, we drive each other crazy, but we love each other crazy, too.
Emma Kate, you are loved more than you will ever know. Thank you for helping me become a mother – I would not trade this job (really, it’s an honor) for anything.
Happy Birthday Big Girl!
Love,
Mom
Nature Girl. Mom. Wife. Friend. Photographer. Sewer. Crafter. Artist.
To borrow a phrase – “Yeet Ye Riche”