As I Age

As I have aged, I have become kinder to myself, and I’ve become less critical of myself.  I have become my own friend.

I have seen many dear friends leave this world way too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4:00 a.m., or, for that matter, sleep until noon?  I will dance with myself to all the wonderful music of my youth – disco, hair bands, rap, metal, and more.  And, if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and I will dive into the waves with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the “jet set”.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful, spacey, or just flat air-headed.  But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten.  I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken – many times, and at times I thought it was beyond repair.  How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet get hits by a car?  But, broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion.

A heart never broken is pristine; it is sterile; it will never know the aching joy of being imperfect.

I am blessed to have lived long enough to have a few stray gray hairs, and to have the laughter of my youth be forever etched into grooves on my face.  So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive.  You care less about what other people think.

I don’t question myself anymore (usually), and I have even earned the right to be wrong.

I like getting older.  It has set me free.  I like the person I have become and am growing into each and every day.  I am not going to live forever, but while I am still blessed to be on this earth, I will no longer waste time lamenting what could have been or worrying about what will be.

And, I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).