Loss vs. Gain

The past eight months have been a real struggle for me.  My self-esteem, pride, and emotions have taken a ride on what seems to be the craziest roller-coaster I’ve ever experienced.  Every time I would reach what I thought to be the bottom and start clawing my way back out, the bottom would fall out all over again, and I would land even deeper than before.  I have struggled to maintain a good outlook on life, and I spent a lot of time seriously questioning many of my beliefs.

Once I finally reached a point that I thought things could not get any worse, they did.  I found myself dealing with yet another obstacle and heartache.  Choices were made that affected not only my life, but my girls’ lives, as well, and we weren’t given a chance to voice our opinion about those choices and the changes to come.  This heartache affected me more than any of the others for many reasons, but mostly because it affected my daughters and I felt like the one person I could count on no matter what had deserted me when I needed them the most.

The struggle has continued through the spring and summer, and I have been working hard to keep myself together emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I have somewhat gotten back into a daily routine, which has helped, but mostly, I believe, my perspective about the challenges I’ve been faced with has changed.

I have moved on from the “I’ve lost everything important to me.” mindset to the “I have not lost anything that truly matters.” mindset.  I began to question myself as a person, a mother, a friend, and a daughter.  I have spent a lot of time exploring my identity and discovering exactly who I am.  Most importantly, I have realized that I have not lost anything that matters.

I have three beautiful, compassionate, and loving daughters.  We have a roof over our heads.  I have a sweet, lovable dog named Lucy.  Most of all, I have my life, my family, and my friends.  Nothing else matters – it’s just stuff.